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It is staggering to think that there are people living in the modern era who still believe in a mythical Skyfairy, virgin births and all the other religious claptrap that should have died out centuries ago. However, it seems that most people on this planet not only believe such garbage, but also swallow the stupidity of images of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, Mohammed, religious statues oozing blood and other apparitions appearing in all sorts of places and on all sorts of objects.

Those idiots who believe that these random stains, shadows, oil marks and reflections are actually images of Jesus Christ, the Virgin Mary or anybody are completely deluded, simply because nobody has the foggiest notion of what Jesus or the Virgin Mary looked like, that is, if they even existed. There were never any paintings or sketches of them by their contemporaries and all the statues, images and paintings of them are just the figments of imagination of the artists and sculptors.

Jesus the blonde Viking
Jesus the blonde Viking

Jesus Christ is often depicted as a tall and handsome pale-skinned blue-eyed blonde Nordic character, whereas in reality, he would have been a short, almost black curly-headed man. There are no actual descriptions of Jesus in the New Testament, however some of the writings in it give some clues as to his appearance.

When Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and found it empty, she inquired of the gardener, where is Jesus and promised to lift Jesus' body up if he told her where he was. Obviously if Mary were capable of lifting Jesus up, he could not have been very large. In fact, the average male at that time was 155cm (5'1") and weighed 50 kilograms.

The Gospel of Luke (19:3) describes Zaccheusí attempt to see Jesus while he preached in a crowd: "And he sought to see Jesus who he was; and he could not for the crowd, because he was low of stature." That Jesus was small can be seen again in the Acts of John: "I was afraid and cried out, and he, turning about, appeared as a man of small stature" (v. 90).

The Slavonic copy of Josephus's Capture of Jerusalem, contains the following description of a man wanted by Pontius Pilate for claiming that he was the King of the Jews: "A man of simple appearance, mature age, dark skin, small stature, three cubits high, hunchbacked with a long face, long nose, and meeting eyebrows, with scanty hair with a parting in the middle of his head, after the manner of the Nazarites, and with an undeveloped beard." This description is like that of Paul in the Acts of Paul and Thecla: "A man small in size, bald-headed, with eyebrows meeting, rather hook-nosed" (v. 3).

Jesus the black Jew
Jesus the black Jew

In 2015, a forensic expert recreated what could be a facsimile of the face of Jesus, resulting in a look that is a far cry from the tall Caucasian man that is depicted in nearly all Christian writings and images. Using forensic anthropology, British scientists teamed up with Israeli archaeologists to create a computer-generated picture to show what the real Jesus may have looked like.

The image was created by Richard Neave, a retired medical artist from the University of Manchester, who used forensic anthropology usually employed to solve crimes. "I made a plaster cast of the skull, which gives me something to work on," Neave stated. "Then I put clay over it and using soft tissue measurements, built up the anatomy of the face. Inevitably there are some areas where you have to speculate, particularly if parts of the skull are missing."

He used the writings in the Bible that before Christ's death, Judas Iscariot had to tell the soldiers who Jesus was because they could not tell him apart from his disciples. From this, the research team concluded that Jesus had dark eyes, hair and skin like his counterparts and was bearded in the Jewish tradition. Judas would not have had any problem describing Jesus to Roman soldiers if he looked like a blonde Viking, so it is reasonable to conclude that Jesus was short and dark like the rest of his gang.

Neave and his research team were provided with Semite skulls, from which they created X-ray slices and used computers to establish the muscles and skin on a typical Semite skull. They also concluded that Jesus was only around 150 centimetres tall and had short hair, probably with tight curls, although the description of the real Jesus in the Acts of Paul and Thecla claimed that he was bald or had hardly any hair. But if Neave removed the hair and joined up the eyebrows, that image would be reasonably close to the known descriptions of this phoney Son of God.

In other words, if he actually existed, as written in that work of fiction called the New Testament, Jesus Christ was very short, hunchbacked, dark-skinned, with a monobrow and a large hooked nose and certainly not anything like the depiction that the Catholic Church would have the world believe. Look at any crucifix with a Jesus stuck to it, picture or icon of Jesus and you will never see a short, dark, bald and ugly hunchback with a big nose. And that is how brainwashing and propaganda works. Most Christians these days would not countenance a Jesus that remotely resembled any person from that part of the world a couple of thousand years ago.


Then there is the other apparition that keeps rearing its ugly head, that of the alleged Virgin Mary. Nobody knows what she looked like, nobody has ever described this person and nobody really knows if she ever even existed. But millions of stupid and gullible morons will see a shape resembling something that the clergy and artists imagine that the Virgin Mary would look like and they will worship that shape, pray to it and hope that the shape will cure their cancers or other diseases.

Those fools who believe the religious nonsense that they are fed by the Catholic Church and other Christian offshoots and all their false imagery will never let the facts get in the way of their fantasies.

Jesus on a banana
Jesus on a banana - looks like the Wizard of Oz actually.

Jesus on a bedsheet
Bedsheet with Jesus - probably the result of that guy jerking off in bed too many times.

Jesus on a fish fillet
Holy Mother of Cod! Itís Jesus on a fish fillet.

Jesus on a garage floor
Jesus on a concrete garage slab that was sold at auction for $2270 to a stupid idiot.

Jesus on a laundry door
Jesus on a laundry door in Geelong - looks like Dumbledore actually.

Jesus on a pita bread
Pita bread Jesus - who looks more like one of the South Park crew.

Jesus on a pizza
Jesus on a three-cheese pizza - this will surely be sold to some stupid cretin for lots of money.

Jesus on a rock
Jesus on a rock, with worshippers who believe this shit.

Jesus on a shadow
Shadow of a tree on a fence - yes, itís Jesus again and when the leaves fall off that tree, itís cactus.

Jesus on toast
Grilled Cheesus on toast - something like this sold on eBay for $32,000 to some fool.

Jesus on a train station
Jesus on the wall of a train station - still wonít make those trains run on time.

Jesus in a mudslide
The people who believe that this mudslide is Jesus are morons.

Virgin Mary in a lava lamp
The Virgin Mary and Jesus in a lava lamp casting a dim light on the situation.

Virgin Mary in a reflection
Crowd gathers to worship the reflection of the Virgin Mary on a glass wall - itís actually a Von Daniken alien.

Virgin Mary in a tree trunk
Morons in New York worship a Virgin Mary hole in a tree trunk that looks like a vagina.

Virgin Mary on a window
Cretinous Catholics in Malaysia worship this Virgin Mary reflection on a hospital window.

Virgin Mary on a rock
Idiot hikers in Kakadu find Virgin Mary on a rock.